Finding Beauty Beyond the Thorns: A Journey of Healing and Hope - Pro Dignity, No Doubt, Episode 17

Join us in this profoundly inspiring episode of "Pro Dignity, No Doubt," where we meet Darci Steiner, a remarkable individual who has triumphed over adversity. Three years ago, Darci faced a life-altering accident that left her with a severe nerve pain disorder called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. But this wasn't her first encounter with life's challenges. Two decades earlier, she was bedridden for two years after a devastating fall. In both instances, she emerged as a survivor and a beacon of hope for others.

Darci shares her incredible resilience, transformation, and faith journey in this heartfelt conversation. She delves into her experience of enduring excruciating pain and battling malnourishment and how she took control of her life when traditional medical treatments fell short. Through her determination, she regained her health and earned a Master's degree in Holistic Nutrition, opening her private practice to help others on their path to wellness.

Join us as Darci shares how her experiences, much like Biblical Paul's thorn in the flesh, have a deeper purpose. Through her remarkable story, we find beauty and sacredness in life's most challenging moments, where faith and resilience light the way. Whether you're a believer or not, this episode will inspire you to embrace your journey toward healing and hope. Discover the profound beauty that exists beyond the thorns.

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

Hello, this

Nicole Smith: 0:03

is Nicole Smith with another episode of pro dignity. No doubt. We have Darcy Steiner here with us today. Thank you so much for coming on with us.

Unknown: 0:12

Thank you so much, Nicole, I really appreciate the opportunity to be able to share my story.

Nicole Smith: 0:17

Oh, no, we're glad to hear it. So like most people that we have on the show, Darcy has an incredibly inspirational story of resilience that I believe a lot of us can really benefit from hearing. So yeah, why don't you just dive in and just kind of tell us a little bit about your family's situation and we can dive right into your story.

Unknown: 0:36

Thank you. So I have an amazing husband, who I've been married to for 33 years, almost 33 years. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. And we have two adult daughters. One lives local and the other one in Texas in Austin. And she's going to school there. And our daughter that lives here. Yeah, I have not been to Austin yet. Hopefully next year, hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. It's

Nicole Smith: 1:09

very cool.

Unknown: 1:10

Anyway, so our other daughter lives local. And she just had her second baby. So we have two grandchildren. Congratulations. That's yeah. So it's really fun to be able to see them and hang out and just be together. You know, so. Yeah, that's, that's kind of my family. And when my kids were little, I had an accident. So I fell down the stairs. There was a piece of paper at the top of the stairs, and I was wearing socks, and I was running. Oh, no, because it's young mothers. Do you know you're always running? Uh huh. And I slipped on this piece of paper and went tumbling in there was a baby gate up at the bottom of the stairs, because my kids were two and a half and five. So I had a baby gate up. And instead of crashing through that gate, I hurdled over it somehow. So asked me Yeah, I don't, I don't even know how that happened.

Nicole Smith: 2:19

So you just like rolled in somehow, like, ended up flopping over the gate?

Unknown: 2:24

Yeah, I was back on my feet. And then I jumped. And so I landed on one foot. And so that turned me and so I crashed into the wall. And then that flipped me and I face planted onto the ground.

Nicole Smith: 2:43

Oh, my so So was your husband home at the time? Were you just by yourself with the kiddos? So I

Unknown: 2:49

was by myself? Yeah. So I was just stunned when I, you know, I'm laying flat on the floor, my face is down. And my back is killing me. I obviously did something to my lower back. And my older daughter, who was five at the time, she came above me and she said, Mommy, are you okay? And like, no, I really didn't feel okay. But you don't tell your five year old that. So I just I know. So I just kind of laid there for a minute. And my two and a half year old was fine. She came and sat down by me. And so we just kind of hung out. You know, they were really good. They kind of just understood something was going on. My husband comes home and

Nicole Smith: 3:44

you know, how long were you there? You know, I

Unknown: 3:47

don't even remember. I think it was a couple hours. Oh, no. Yeah. And we just kind of talk did Jenny five. I mean, she was such a good older daughter, an older sister. Yeah. She just kind of helped take care of Nicole, but it was after lunch. It was you know, before Mark came home from work. So you know, the Lord just took care of us.

Nicole Smith: 4:15

And that's yeah, they weren't able to get to a phone or anything or you weren't even like cognitive enough to guide that process or you just kind of

Unknown: 4:24

you know, I didn't feel like I needed to go to the ER. For some reason. I just felt like let's just wait this out and see I didn't feel like we needed you know, an ambulance to come. So anyway, Mark comes home and you know, he's surprising there. All of that. But he helps me up and he's able to take care of the kids and helps get me you know, up the stairs back up

Nicole Smith: 4:54

or stairs

Unknown: 4:56

and into bed and so I just laid there for a while. I'll and then, you know, the next day, it still hurt but I was able to get up and it kind of went away for a month or so. And then I'm walking. I'm trying to walk this out, right. But that my mistake was I played a volleyball game because I was on a volleyball team and I thought, you know, I'm gonna just tough this out. Yeah. And I went up for a spike. And that's what was the final straw. And that put me in bed. I was in bed for a couple of years. Oh, yeah, in the pain is I'd note, I'm not sure what happened. But the pain somehow went to my ankles. And my feet. Maybe it was from when I landed on that one foot. Yeah. But so I have back pain. I have ankle pain that's preventing me from walking in. Later, what we discovered was, I had developed this condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. And it's a nerve pain disorder that is excruciatingly painful. And when measured on a pain scale, it ranks the highest pain one can feel my so it is it? Yeah, it has some really bad nicknames.

Nicole Smith: 6:20

Yeah, yeah. So so obviously, we're gonna dive into how you feel. But what was your husband going through? I try to think of like partners and what they're sort of have this reality of what's going on with their spouse? And yeah, what is what did he feel like through that process?

Unknown: 6:41

Well, so this happened at the beginning of December. And he was laid off from his job three weeks later,

Nicole Smith: 6:52

oh, my gosh, when it rains, it pours.

Unknown: 6:55

We had all this stuff crashing around us, we didn't know that this would turn into a blessing. Yeah. Because I needed him to be home to help care for the kids. And so he started his own company, was able to work from home. And so he helped with the kids. While we were figuring things out, we didn't know how long this would last. Yeah, so but as time went on, you could see just kind of the Depression set in and the overwhelm the stress, he was going through so much with trying to start a new job with taking care of the kids and wondering what's going on with my wife. Yeah, you know, is this forever? Or is this temporary? Or what? What is

Nicole Smith: 7:46

it that's going through this sort of scenario where it's longevity, because we've gone through it, as well as our family, my youngest daughter is disabled. And that process of kind of walking through the unknowns? I imagine even, you know, obviously, you are going through this excruciating pain. What's, what's it like for you going through that as well, because you know, no end date, and that's overwhelming. And you get into a state of desperation, almost, because you just want to find solutions to make it stop. Make the pain stop. Right. So how did you survive through that season?

Unknown: 8:19

You know, there's so many emotions I was going through, there's the panic that you feel every day, like, what, you know, how am I going to get through this? Because this pain is like none other than I've felt and it wasn't diagnosed yet. Yeah. So I had no diagnosis. And my husband's trying to get me down the stairs and into the car and in to doctor's appointment. Yeah. And so we went to dozens of doctors who could not figure out what was going on. I had so many scans, so many MRIs, so many podiatrist, dozens and dozens of doctors and so I'm, I'm like, You know what? We'd have to figure this out. We have to go to the next doctor. So there's this panic, right? Yeah. Gotta make it stop. Gotta

Nicole Smith: 9:10

make it stop. Gotta make it stop. Yeah, and you got to

Unknown: 9:13

have a diagnosis. You got to have that diagnosis. But there was no diagnosis. And but I'll tell you, the main thing that I was feeling was this separation from my kids and from my husband, and that was more painful than the physical pain. Yeah, because I could no longer take them to the zoo out for walks to the park. You know, all they could do was come up and be in my bedroom. And Mark made these little stations this coloring station over here. You know, and then over here was sit quietly with mommy and play plastic animals. You know, play with barn Anna Oh, yeah, so they were able to get on the bed carefully. But I couldn't hold them close. You know? And so my heart is just breaking. And so I'm going through that. And what cure is there for that? Like, it's so it drew me closer to God. Yeah. Because that was the only thing that gave me comfort.

Nicole Smith: 10:30

Yeah, cuz some people, it drives them away this idea that that God had actually done something to create this for you and so they get better. So what is it for you? Like what made you feel more like? I simply meant to him?

Unknown: 10:51

Great question. And you know, I experienced both because initially I was very angry. Yeah, I was like, God, why? Why did you give me two girls, and then not allow me to raise them? And I'm getting worse, like, I'm losing weight. I'm, you know, because I can't eat you when you're in that much pain, you have such a hard time eating and anyone who has chronic pain understands that, that it's just really hard to eat. So I did both I vacillated between leaning into God and being angry with God. Yeah. And I think the leaning in was, there was no other answer. That's all literally all I had. Because people's words wouldn't comfort me because they couldn't tell me you're going to get better. I mean, they would tell me that, but they didn't really know, right? Well, you're gonna get better.

Nicole Smith: 11:58

Yeah. And people in these moments, they don't know what to say. So they, they fill the space with words, because they want to somehow make it better. But the thing is, like you said, God is the only one that can make it better. And so a lot of times are, I mean, we've walked through those two people would try to like fill that that space like where you hope they would just like be present with you. But they they want to fill it with words. And sometimes it makes it worse. At least in my experience. I don't know about yours, where you're just like, You have no idea what I'm going through you just you just can't so I'm commend you on leaning into God for the your sufficiency, because that is hard.

Unknown: 12:43

Yeah, like I said, it was a back and forth, you know, at that time. But the leaning in did bring me comfort because I would remember versus, you know, and do not fear for I'm with you, don't be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you. And the part that helped me the most is I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And so this this fear, so much fear, and so that became my mantra verse. It still is my mantra verse for today. You know, it's, it got me through childbirth. It's gotten me through many,

Nicole Smith: 13:30

many things. So even

Unknown: 13:32

just that one verse was like, you know, gold to me, just that one thing that I could hold on to buy a piece of dental floss, you know, that's what I felt like I had was that

Nicole Smith: 13:53

this was over a duration of time. So how did you come out the other end of it? Or at least the season?

Unknown: 14:01

Yeah, so I've been disabled twice. So I did recover from this. First I almost died because I was so malnourished from not eating. And my counselor said, Darcy, what is there that you know, to do that you're not doing that could help you get better. And so she kind of put it on me instead of on going to another doctor. Yeah. And that that's what turned this thing around for me, man, that's powerful. Yeah. And so what that thing was that came to mind was, I need to eat. I need to eat right?

Nicole Smith: 14:48

Whether you like it or not, yeah.

Unknown: 14:52

And so I found this protein shake that my husband began making, and we discovered that it was easier to drink. calories than to eat them. And so I began drinking my calories. And that's what enabled me to gain weight. It gave me the amino acids for my muscles and my bones and my brain. And I fell in love with nutrition. And this is this was a newfound love. And if anyone would have asked me that, you'd become that I'd become a nutritionist one day, I'd say, no, no, no. But disability, forced me into that. And so I began studying nutrition. And I actually signed up earned my Master's degree in holistic nutrition. It took six years, but it's what brought me out of my first disability. And it's what healed me from CRPS, for which there is no cure. Wow, that's powerful. God used food, Whole Foods, good food to heal me. Oh, wow.

Nicole Smith: 16:02

That's good. Yeah, I think that, that that's something we need to kind of sink into as Americans is an awareness of more about how God has made our body, you know, and food is an incredibly powerful source, not just a fuel, but actually to heal and to guide the body towards its proper function. And we just look at food like fuel. And so we're putting a lot of these processed foods into our body and just not really thinking about really the importance of actually have putting food in your body that has good Ness in it.

Unknown: 16:41

Right, exactly. Yes. Yes. So, you know, vegetables, fruits, they're colorful. And I didn't know that each of those colors meant a different nutrient for my body. Yeah, wow. But I learned that, you know, red foods are good for my heart. You know, purple foods are good for my brain. And so it was really interesting and fun to learn this stuff. And to be my own case study. Oh, yeah. For my degree, you know, I practiced on myself everything I learned. And that's why they gave me six years, it was a four year program. But they gave me six years because of my disability in my circumstance. Gotcha. But they saw how it was helping me. And I was right, because I was writing about it in my papers. And so they gave me those. Yeah, they're like, You watching

Nicole Smith: 17:41

it? And that's wonderful. Yeah, well, I know you probably. So my daughter with disabilities, we did a blended diet, she had a gastric tube. And so a lot of G tube fed children often are put on just like these formulas, and they're not all that great for you. So we sort of walked through that process to have you know, the first few weeks of her life, she really didn't eat because of her condition. And, and we were surprised how much that impacted her growth trajectory to, you know, these these durations without food take a long time to, to counteract, right. And so sure, when you're living this out, and you're making these progress studying all this, right, and you're like, wow, and, and for them, they're just reading it on paper, right. But you're like feeling it as it goes. So I'm sure that was an encouraging measure for yourself to, like, keep going. Because now you're, you're not in so much pain, you know, you're feeling the benefits of it, right?

Unknown: 18:44

Absolutely. And I felt like, you know, maybe I can help other people if this is working for me. So help others right. It has to, and so I had to open my private practice. I, I had to, and I still had a little bit of pain when I opened it in 2008. But by 2009, I had no pain. Oh, wow. Well, I had one

Nicole Smith: 19:12

what a radical time for you to open a business to that was the recession. So I'm, I'm sure that had a lot of question marks as well for you. But you guys seem like you're very resilient. How was your husband and your kids during the season? Now you're coming? There like we have our mother and our wife again?

Unknown: 19:33

Yeah. And it's like this was our answer to prayer. You know, this. God is really answering our prayers here. And he, there were a lot of people praying for me. I mean, there was a group of people that came and circled around my house held hands and saying, while I looked at them out my bedroom window and they that my backyard was filled with people who were praying so that I could watch them out my window. You know, upstairs, we bless those I know very well, there were so many people. And so, you know, my kids aren't having to push me in the wheelchair anymore. They're, they're getting to hike with me. They're getting me too, you know, I'm making dinner again, it was just kind of surreal.

Nicole Smith: 20:24

And you get to appreciate those moments on a deeper level. I always try to encourage family to to that are going through this to that, though our lows are really low or highs are even higher, because you can really appreciate the simplicity of just daily function. Like for you, that was the first time that you've been able to do something as simple as make a meal for your family without pain. I'm sure that was just a sweet, sweet moments, you know, over time.

Unknown: 20:56

Oh, it felt like, you know, I was just given these gifts back. And you're right, your gratitude just goes through the roof. Because every time I got in the car to drive, I thank God that I could drive every step I could take, you know, I thank God I'm like, thank you that I could walk and that I could go to my kids school function. Yes. Like gratitude just goes through the roof.

Nicole Smith: 21:26

So obviously, your your 2009, your painfree your gratitudes through the roof because you can start to experience life. But you said that you kind of go back into a new season a little bit later down the road about you said nine years. Yeah, later.

Unknown: 21:43

Yes. So in so nine years, I'm painfree. I'm teaching sports nutrition at the local high school. I have my own private practice. And my daughter gets married. Everything is great, perfect. Perfect. 2018.

Nicole Smith: 22:01

July.

Unknown: 22:03

So my daughter gets married, we see her off and my son in law. And then we're cleaning up. And I walk by this stack of chairs that are now leaning up against the wall. And I walked by and that was enough to to make this chair rattle. And fall

Nicole Smith: 22:28

right up my ankle. It's the same ankle, right?

Unknown: 22:32

It's same.

Nicole Smith: 22:33

Same, your mythology like the Achilles heel like, your poor ankles like taking you down, man.

Unknown: 22:46

Like no. Can I please have an ankle replacement something at this point? I was

Nicole Smith: 22:52

so how did. So were you like on the floor again?

Unknown: 22:56

What happened? Yes, I felt like I knew immediately that the CRPS was reinitiated. I felt immediately like that hurt too much. Or just a chair falling on my ankle. Why did it take me down? And why does it feel broken? And we did have to check it out and make sure it wasn't broken. And it wasn't. But the pain was so great. I knew this is CRPS because I had experienced CRPS before, right? So on the way home, I'm crying not in joy in bed in pain and my poor daughter, my other daughter who's riding home with us in the car. She's like, can we not celebrate the fact that Jenny just got married? And I'm like, in my heart I am but in my body I'm experiencing so much ending suffering. Yeah. So so here we are I I'm not bedridden, I think okay, maybe this is just an ankle sprain. So the podiatrist says Stay off it for six weeks. And I'm like, but my bone mass, I'm immediately going into panic mode again, but my bone mass my bone mass. And I didn't know at six weeks, that it would be years before I could walk again. And so I'm going through this again, and just the questions to God and the back and forth. And at one point again, I stopped praying because I felt like I was just rubbing the genie bottle. Yeah, like I'm just God, please give me please give me please give me and I didn't feel like that was really prayer. But I didn't feel like I could go any deeper. And so I just stopped and to get a reset or something. I Oh no, but I hear I am suffering again. This time my kids are grown. So that's different. So that freed up Mark Mark stills working the same job. So he's flexible. Yeah. And what I decided to do was to study the book of Matthew. And so I'm doing a deep dive into the book of Matthew. And this was the beginning of a book that I would write in my future that I didn't know, at that point, but it was kind of the foundation that I started, and it really helped me to kind of, okay, I'm gonna get through this. I got through this once before. I'm gonna do the same thing. I still know the nutrition. I know what worked before pool therapy is in this remedy,

Nicole Smith: 25:55

right? hydrotherapy is very powerful.

Unknown: 25:58

Oh, my gosh, it is a life line. And we happen to now have a therapy pool by my house, the first disability I didn't. Oh,

Nicole Smith: 26:08

man. That's, that's, that's good. We've actually with my daughter, we've done a lot. We don't have one near us. And it's hard to get in anyway. So we put like, one of those inflatable hot tubs in our garage, because she's still very little. So we had to do that, too. So

Unknown: 26:31

yes, it is very powerful for listeners, if you have a therapy pool near you, or if you have to drive an hour to one do I drove, I drove an hour twice. Oh, my husband drove me an hour twice a week, the first disability. This time, he's driving me 15 minutes. Oh, that's helpful to a therapy pool. But so what has gone on the past five years, because this was five years ago, is I've slowly began to walk again. And it's not all the time. But because CRPS is like that. Just because you can walk one day doesn't mean you'll be able to the next day, or even the next week. There. It just makes no sense. And so I learned to live the one day at a time rule. Yeah, where you just stay in the day, and you take what you get for that day. And you don't worry about tomorrow. Yeah. And that's been really difficult. Without God, but with God. I'm able, yeah, yeah. Well, I wasn't able to.

Nicole Smith: 27:48

I know that. It's kind of hard to understand this god that exist outside of time. I had one person explain it to me, friend of mine that has chronic back pain, you know, spinal pain, so he lives in chronic pain. And it's interesting to see how he encourages people on pain, because he understands, giving me a lot of Bible verses those times that we've, you know, experienced that deep, deep pain that we don't understand that it's temporal. So God is outside of time. And it feels like an eternity us because we're within time, right? And so having to live that day to day, knowing that we are eternal beings, we are intended to live outside of this pain for an eternity, but right now we're living in it in this temple, timespan that feels so long, and it becomes disheartening. And I know you live that out, for sure. And I've watched it with my daughter, I've I went through a period of mine for myself. And I know when you can sink into those moments that are very depressing. But you got to get that thing that helps you survive past that day to day like you were saying, because it's if you don't, then you can just sink into depression and slowly just stop fighting. You know, right? Raising all hope where you're just like, well, I'm in so much pain, it's it's not worth getting up tomorrow and choosing to enjoy your life or choosing to give up on the hope that would give something back to your family to I'm sure that that was that's something for you too, even though your kids are adults. But you have gray babies now too.

Unknown: 29:39

I feel like I'm kind of reliving this with my grandkids because I can't I can't go I can't take them anywhere. I can't go to see them without my husband. I can't be alone without without another adult.

Nicole Smith: 29:57

Yeah. So you're still living out this is reality today? Is it improving at all? Are you still just taking one step at a time?

Unknown: 30:07

It has improved. I do better in the summer because when I'm warm, all my energy isn't going into trying to stay warm. When my feet are warm, I can walk better. But because I live in Colorado, it feels like winter. 10 months. I'm serious. We had barely a summer we had like four weeks of summer. I feel like if you're

Nicole Smith: 30:31

to Tennessee won't get you a lot more

Unknown: 30:34

months out of the oh my gosh, warm.

Nicole Smith: 30:37

Yes. My goodness, Colorado. Very beautiful. But yes, quite chilly ice. Imagine that's.

Unknown: 30:44

Yeah. So when I'm cold, I feel the pins and needles in my feet. And I feel what I tell people to try to help them understand what it feels like for me to walk is that I'm walking on corkscrews. I feel these corkscrews going up into my heels in the middle of my foot. Yeah. And so to walk on that, you know, it's you gruel through it, you know, and it's easier for me to walk on carpet, so we have not taken carpet out of our home. I know. I would like to have wood floors, but I can't

Nicole Smith: 31:21

Yeah, your feet say no. Yeah, so carpet

Unknown: 31:24

helps me to walk indoors. So it's easier for me to be indoors than outdoors. But this is the good news. Because it's been summer in the last four weeks have been pretty good. I've gone out for two for twice a week. 15 minute walks. Oh, nice. And that I haven't been able to do in five years. Wow. I haven't been able to do a 15 minute walk. Before all of that. Yeah. So this is new progression. We'll see if it sticks through the winter. But I walk in the therapy pool. And that's where I can walk and be upright.

Nicole Smith: 32:08

Yeah. You know, getting your butt was that needed? Actually, yeah.

Unknown: 32:13

Yeah. So I try to stay moving. I do exercises while I'm sitting. But yes, I'm in my feet are killing me right now. Like, they just always hurt whether I'm walking or not, you know. And so you kind of just learn to just push through because I have I have a purpose. God has given me a purpose. And what I've learned is when I'm outward focused and focused, not on my pain, but on other people, it helps to relieve my pain. And it hopefully helps other people.

Nicole Smith: 32:49

Yeah, and I, I think we're hardwired towards this. So I talk a lot about this on our show that Western society, often all of our needs are met often, right. And so we tend towards this idea that we should avoid pain and discomfort at all. And then if we are in pain and discomfort, then we're not meeting life's purpose. But when in reality, our purpose is supposed to be even in the face of discomfort, living outside of ourselves, you know, and so when you sink into these moments in which you know, you're in deep, deep pain, and all you do is look inward, how much it makes it worse. And when you finally are looking outward, and you can find those the the purpose that this pain can bring you, you can step forward with more ease. And like I said, those lows are really low, but the highs can be really high, because you can appreciate those little things that we otherwise sort of take for granted. And I don't I don't know if that's your experience, but it's definitely been mine, you know, so.

Unknown: 34:00

Oh, my goodness. I feel like we're kindred spirits in the call. I just feel like you get me right. And I get what you're saying. Because pain. Pain is what has given me my purpose. You know, and that purpose is to ease the discomfort of others, but not to take it away. I can't do that. I don't have the power to do that. Yeah, but with my words, hopefully I can instill hope. Yeah, you know, that's a gift I can give. Yeah. And in my writings, when I said I started writing, I began discovering these gifts in suffering. You know, so I'm like, I'm seeing all these gifts like isn't that amazing? The idea

Nicole Smith: 34:56

of leaning into suffering as a means of have of finding hope and purpose and God's truth. And we read through the Bible and we see these examples, and especially in the gospels, but maybe even in the Old Testament, these, these men and women that just sunk so deep into suffering, and they found got it and those moments where they wouldn't have in, in the seasons of seemingly no struggle, you know. But I want to ask one more question, kind of going back to Mark and your kiddos like, what? What was Mark's feelings of going back into the season again, with you like, what is his journey look like throughout this process? And

Unknown: 35:43

how was your asking?

Nicole Smith: 35:44

Yeah, how's your marriage felt like through that, too, but really, like, I'd love to hear about how Mark's doing and

Unknown: 35:50

thank you. Mark is a positive guy. Good. He always says, You came out of it the first time you're gonna come out of this again. He's held on to that from the beginning. And he's a good listener, he'll just listen. And you know, with caregivers, they get easily ignored. They do you know, people don't recognize how hard they have this. Yep. And that they need attention, and that they need love, and they need caregiving. And they need breaks a friend, yes. Oh, my goodness, you know,

Nicole Smith: 36:34

gearing up for that, because I've kind of walked through that myself, you know, being the primary caregiver for my, my daughter with disabilities, I know that marks probably, you know, he's, he's there. He's your cheer cheerleader. But when you go through these hard times, especially over the period, a long period of time, I'm sure over time, those friends that were gathered around your house praying, they didn't come by as often over time, you know, and I don't mean that as a bad way. But it's, it's just something that people forget that when you are doing this for long periods of time, that you have to continue to check back in with families. And, and, and Mark to say, hey, you know, we've been praying for Darcy, you know, we come by and we pray for we we bring her stuff, whatever, you know, but they often forget about Mark's journey, too. And how arduous that pass can be as well.

Unknown: 37:27

Yes, yes. And there's, there's been people who would call and just leave mark a message and say, You don't need to call me back. And that is so freeing, because when you're giving care, you don't have time, but he he will never forget this particular phone call that he received from someone who said that, you know, and it get in, they still gave, you know, just because he didn't reciprocate, didn't mean they didn't give.

Nicole Smith: 37:57

Yeah, and it's hard to I remember people, so when we were going to ours as drink COVID. So not often, people could do really anything. But I, I did remember this feeling like friends would ask, What can I do for you, they would ask you to tell them what, yeah. And it was another task to do to try to figure out what you can do. For me, I just wanted people to just do something, I didn't really care if it was considerably valuable, was just like, don't ask me to do one more thing, or figure out how you can feel better about you being in this process, you know, so that was a wonderful friend and know that, that he was part of this journey with you and to not put any pressure on him.

Unknown: 38:45

Not have an expectation, you know, that we have a conversation or, or whatever, you know, just insane.

Nicole Smith: 38:54

That's wonderful. Yeah.

Unknown: 38:55

So different things that people have done is somebody dropped off a book on our front porch. And, you know, left it there. We don't know who but that was a sweet gesture. We had a group of people, a group of women came over and just said, you know, sit in your living room, we're cleaning your house. You know, it's hard to ask someone, can you come and clean my toilet? Yeah, like, that's not gonna happen. Yes.

Nicole Smith: 39:26

What's not gonna happen? It feels sort of weird. You know, like, we're also self sufficient. So if you're a fan, a person that's probably more inclined to ask some people aren't inclined i I've always been very self sufficient. I'm sure you guys are like that, too. So the idea of asking somebody and basically is telling you that you're not enough to even do basic things for yourself anymore. It's, it's a weird and difficult thing to do. So anybody that knows a family like this, I would encourage you guys to do these gestures. Um, it doesn't really take you a whole lot of time either, you know, the idea of just like laying a book on on somebody's porch that's just so sweet, very thoughtful and but the those that are going through it to know that you are enough and you are important enough to let continue to go every day one step ahead of, you know, one foot in front of the other, right. So, you know, Darcy story is definitely a beautiful testament to what can happen out of unbearable pain. And so thank you for speaking up and giving other people hope. And, and these just knowing that they're not alone is really important, you know? So,

Unknown: 40:42

absolutely, because when we feel lonely, you know, that's when we sink into despair. So if you are feeling lonely, know that you can reach out, you can reach out to someone like me, you know, I take phone calls and emails and such just to try to encourage it's, I, of course, I don't get paid for it or anything like that. But it's my ministry. It's, it's what I do, because I want to give hope. And so if you're feeling hopeless, reach out to someone. Yeah.

Nicole Smith: 41:15

And also to, I know that there is there's always a group that's associated with that whatever condition you're kind of in even no matter how rare they are, quite honestly, there's the Internet has its downfalls. But it definitely has its benefits. Because even if it's not like an international group that's really big, you know, there actually might be a group nearby, you know, I have a friend that's in a wheelchair, she's in a group of moms and wheelchairs, and they get together and they they talk about their concerns and their struggles. And there's a camaraderie and understanding, you know, what, the path that we're walking through, and really encourage you to seek those those avenues out. Because in pain, we tend to turn into ourselves and dig deeper into that loneliness instead of because it's uncomfortable to get outside of herself and try something new. I know, you know that with your diet and all the things going, Okay, now I have to eat, I have to do these things that are uncomfortable and painful. But we need to do it, because that's how you feel better. So how you started to get on the other side? Yeah. So I would love to hear more about what you're doing that right now, what's the name of your book? And you know, your ministry? Tell us about

Unknown: 42:29

it. Thank you. Yeah, so that book that I started writing, when I didn't know, I was writing a book was released in 2021. And it's called Beauty beyond the thorns, discovering gifts in suffering. So I talk about 30 different gifts that I have discovered in my suffering. And like things like the gift of compassion, you know, I saw my kids really grow up to become compassionate people. And they do this with their their work. They have jobs that serve people who have pain, specifically, yes. So that didn't just happen. That happened because they were they walk this. They were around pain, and they saw and they were God formed compassion in them is what I'm trying to say. Let me spit it out. Get it out there.

Nicole Smith: 43:34

That's that's a wonderful point I any of these families that go through it, you know, they have a window into a world that does give you compassion, not pity. Yes, there's a really defined line between pity and compassion. So that's wonderful to hear that your daughters grew up and did something with that.

Unknown: 43:53

Yeah. So yeah, so that's one of the gifts that I outlined in my book, and I made a study guide to go with it. And Bible studies use this group's use it recovery groups, use it. And I just went through it with a group of women at my church and I went through the study guide, myself, not as the writer but as answering the questions. And it was really helpful for me to, to a couple years later actually go through it and answer the questions again. And but it was really bonding because everybody that came in didn't necessarily have physical pain. They had emotional pain, divorced, widowed, you know, various sufferings that we can find beauty in. So let's look for the beauty and not you know, and yes, we still have the pain. But don't miss the good. You know, don't miss the good that's there and embrace that so you can get through your hard time.

Nicole Smith: 44:59

Let's So good. It's so true. Well, I. So where can they find all of this? I do want to make sure we at least talk through that, although I will link everything below.

Unknown: 45:12

So my books are found on Amazon and they're not in bookstores. I'm an indie author. So they're in one bookstore in Parker, Colorado, where I live. So you have to get it online. But you can also go to like, you know, Barnes and noble.com any.com. You can find it. So Amazon and yeah, my website is my name. It's dar Si Si, middle initial je Steiner s t e i n er.com. That's my website. And I outline all the services I provide. I'm a writing coach. I'm a nutritionist still I still counsel nutritionally, even though I'm disabled. So sometimes I call myself the disabled nutritionist. But, but it didn't hurt my brain and I'm still able to help people nutritionally. So I do that. And I'm, I have another book that will be coming out next year.

Nicole Smith: 46:15

Exciting stuff. That's good. Yeah. Oh, you're just charging for it. I'm so proud of you. Darcy.

Unknown: 46:22

Thank you. It helps me get through my pain. I just I have to keep doing stuff. So I don't just ruminate.

Nicole Smith: 46:31

Don't ruminate. That's not good. Well, I can I thank you for coming on the show and sharing your story. I hope it's an encouragement to all of our listeners and knowing that through the pain, we can find purpose, a beautiful purpose that we can live out every day. So join us again for another week of productivity, no doubt and I'll talk to you soon